Friday, April 20, 2012

Book review: Queen Bees And Wannabes

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World

by

Rosalind Wiseman

Disclaimer: This is completely my opinion of the book. I was not compensated in any way by author or publisher or anyone else to write this review. I bought the book myself and am reviewing it just because I think its a great resource for parents.

There was a discussion at work on bullying not too long ago and this book was referred many times by different people. Since I'm not only a parent but also an immigrant trying to raise a daughter in America, I was intrigued. Recently, I got around to buying this book and reading it. To say that its scary will be an understatement.

I'm from India and so are many of my friends. Now that most of us have kids our discussions often turn towards where we would like to raise our kids. Interestingly, most of the parents ( especially ones with daughters) think of moving back to India before their kids are tweens and raise them there. The reason for their choice is mostly because they think Indian culture is much safer for the kids and the presence of grandparents, uncles and aunts make it easier to supervise kids. I usually don't agree with this school of thought...for several reasons. For one thing, the culture and the time in which we were raised is much different from what it is now...yes change is the norm everywhere, but in India it is happening at a shocking speed. The kids today are more brand conscious, more aware of their sexuality, more aggressive in judging their peers by their choice of clothes and accessories...so I'm not sure there will be much difference in the culture between US and India by the time our toddlers become tweens and teens ( which is really unfortunate but true). Another thing is that joint families are disappearing so the notion that some loved one like a granny or grandpa would be able to connect with kids and keep a watch over them is more of a wishful thinking than reality. Of course, kids get to see them more than they do from here...but would they really have any insight in kids world? highly doubtful. Another thing is that since Indian culture is not so open, kids may choose to be more secretive about their activities, which I think is worse than having a rebel who is engaging in activities you don't like. At least you know what you are up against. Another, most important aspect is that I feel like its running away from the issue. I already feel guilty about running away from India because it has some problems, I don't want to run away from US at the first sign of problem here...for once in my life, I would like to take a stand and deal with the issue rather than running away from it. There's an Urdu poet called Zauq who puts it this way:

ab to ghabaraa ke ye kahate hai.n ke mar jaaye.nge
mar ke bhii chain na paayaa to kidhar jaaye.nge

Now that he is so troubled, he says he will die...

what if he doesn't get respite even in death...where will he go then?

So to summarize I don't believe going to India is the magic bullet that would solve

all the problems we may have with our teens.

So why I'm telling you this..you probably have nothing to do with India anyway, and you don't

see any other option than raising your child here in the US. I have given you this background

so you could understand why I was so tempted to run to India after reading this book. Teenage

here is much scarier than anything I could ever imagine. If you grew up here and survived the

teen age with a nasty queen bee around you and survived the peer pressure to drink, do drugs etc.

 hats off to you. Compared to the life she describes my life in India was heaven, I have never

had anything to do with really mean girls. My peers looked down upon drinking and drugs were

simply out of question. Now I understand the perspective of my friends when they say that

India is so much better for raising kids, except that India as we knew it is changing...fast.

Forewarned is Forearmed
But once I got over my initial shock, I began to realize the book's potential. If
the life of teens and tweens is actually the way Ms. Wiseman describes it, we
as parents cannot afford to not know about it. There is immense pressure on them to get accepted by their peers and once you understand this fact suddenly their actions start making sense.

Author gives you very specific strategies for establishing lines of communication with your kids, and then how to communicate with them so you can help them make informed decisions.

Author has a very crystal clear image of girls world, she tells you about the hierarchy and structure and how every girl has a very specific role in a girl's world, and how to identify what your daughter's role is. I'm not sure how accurate this mapping is because I have never been in that environment and haven't had much experience with this social structure growing up in India. But even if its partially accurate, it is a good stepping stone to understanding the abrupt change in the kid's behavior as they start spending more time in social settings.

She also explains her ideas with the help of familiar scenarios and how to deal with each of them. One good thing about her strategies is that she encourages you to help kids make the decision, and not make the decisions for them.

She also navigates through really delicate issues like alcohol and drug abuse, teenage sex - the issues that would be every parent's nightmares. Her advice is not sugar coated, but concise and to the point.

The things I loved in the book:

1. Landmine remarks - The author has added various tips on issues kids are apparently touchy about. She gives you specific things to avoid saying in order to keep the communication going with your kids.

2. Quotes from kids she has worked with - It is one thing to be told of something by the author, but hearing it in the words of a 12 year old or a 16 year old has a totally different impact. You really begin to see a point of view very different from yours, and the kids say it with remarkable conviction.

Bottomline:

Must read for parents...especially parents of daughters.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Engagement gift the shutterfly way!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Before my daughter was born, I used to think, who would pay so much for photo gifts? Oh boy! Did I ever change my mind...once my daughter was born I went photo crazy and shutterfly was my partner in crime.
Photo Books - check
Photo prints - check
Oh no...it doesn't end here...in fact, the interesting world of photo gifts just begins with photo prints and photo books...
I made Photo Calendars - complete with all the birthdays and other occasions marked along with phone numbers. I made photo cards...not just with my daughter's pics, but also with the pics of all her cousins. Photo cards with baby's pic is now my go to gift for all the new parents, whatever else we gift them, we always include a nice photo card of the baby, and parents just love it.
Not to mention the posters...there's something really nice about seeing the moments of your life in a big snapshot..right there on your wall.
You would be wondering, how much money did I end up spending when I did all those things...All I can say is...very little. With all the great promotions that shutterfly keeps rolling out all the time. I spent very little compared to the enjoyment we got and the gifts we were able to give.

Shared here is the photo book I made from a friend's engagement pics. She doesn't even know that I made this book for her. I'll just order this and gift it to her at the time of wedding. Bet she's gonna love it. How do you like it?

Now a little something for you:

If you are a blogger, Shutterfly is running a promotion where if you share your creation on a website or blog, you may be eligible for a $25 Shutterfly gift certificate.
The details from Shutterfly:

Create and enjoy photo gifts with shutterfly

Monday, January 19, 2009

Some Observations from Europe trip

Sacre Coeur, Paris

1. Europeans are much more environment friendly than other continents. Much more public transport, avid bikers, energy saving. This is something we should learn from our Dutch or French counterparts.

2. Europeans in general are more reserve then Americans: Its a common thing to greet a stranger with a cheery "Hello, How are you?" or a "Good Morning" in America, not so in Europe. At the very best, one can expect a Nod, or a smile.

3. The Paper is not as ubiquitous in Europe as in America: Ok they do have TP in the restrooms, but don't bet on Paper towels near sinks or in your hotel rooms. They use paper sparingly, most of the places still believe in the old fashioned fabric.

4. People are lean: There were many times when I looked around on a crowded subway platform and didn't find a single person seriously overweight. (How do they manage it - Bicycles?)

5.People are fashionable: In the cold January morning you can find women in sheer stockings. No sneakers for ladies - I looked around many a times and found that I was the only one ( gasp!) donning sneakers around.

6. Paris and Brussels are stunningly beautiful - We kept walking from one place to another and the cities never failed to amaze us. Average walk a day 7 miles or more. Yaay!! for my sneakers.

7. You PAY (Gasps!!!) for the use of restrooms: Seriously people! thats something I had to check twice to believe. Even in restaurants you've to pay to use the restrooms, at least in Holland. And to think they pay big taxes out there.

8. Graffiti Everywhere: I think spray cans are dirt cheap in Europe. Top of the buildings, subway stations, tunnels, trains...nothing has been spared of the big bold letters. I saw graffiti even in the places really difficult to get to, like the inside of a tunnel where trains were passing every two minutes. Either Europe needs to nurture its graffiti talent by organising graffiti marathons and graffiti olympics or they need to increase the price of those spray cans.

9. Going to Europe - Pack an adapter and a pin converter for your electronic devices. The voltage is different and so is power plug design, make sure you are equipped to work with that.

10. Charge, Charge and Charge - This is something that we goofed up on many times. We had a camera, cellphone and a GPS. We inevitably kept forgetting to charge one or the other of these, and ran into issues like the camera dying on us at Notre Dame or GPS threatening to die on our way to hotel late in the night ( We used GPS to navigate in pedestrian mode.) Its a good idea to let the critical accessories charge as soon as you reach your abode.

11. Despite having high speed internet connections, I figure that Europeans dont make a big deal of internet. You wont find many surfing internet on places with wi-fi availability, like the hi-speed trains. In fact, a lot of tourist attractions don't even offer tickets on internet.

12. Walking on foot is enjoyable - Although most European cities boast a robust and efficient public transport system, for closer distance it is actually better to walk. You will come across many a sights and things that you wouldn't otherwise. While going to Sacre Coeur in Paris, we decided to walk and came across a vintage car rally. We wouldn't have seen it we had taken a Metro instead.

13. Metro is the best way to get around in Paris. For 19 Euros per person, we could roam freely through the city for 3 days.

14. Make sure you have a small backpack on you when you go to the tourist attractions, otherwise carrying things like water bottles, light snacks, guide books, umbrella, camera etc would be problematic. It isn't easy to take pictures while your shoulder or other hand is balancing a water bottle or tote bag. We actually faced this issue and had to buy an overpriced backpack at Paris.

15. In Paris, be prepared to stand in long queues, whether its Eiffel Tower, Louvre or Versailles. There are long queues everywhere.

16. Looks like the French skimped on signs and directions, I found that signs for crucial information were missing at many prominent tourist places.

17. Pack sufficient cash and if possible get it converted into Euros while you're in the home country. That would give you a chance to get the best deal for currency conversion, or you'll lose a serious chunk of change when you do it in Europe.

18. Ticketing machines and many offical cash registers don't accept US credit cards ( and sometimes not even European cards). While you are out there, cash is king. Also make sure you have some 50c or 1Euro coins on you to pay for restrooms, train tickets etc.

19. Contrary to my assumption, not everyone understands English in Europe. It will be a good idea to learn some basic words and phrases in French/German depending on where you're going.

20. Europeans are not as big on tipping as Americans. Although we're still expected to tip the waiters etc, it is not mandatory to tip every person you deal with during the course of travel.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Resoultions for 2009: Is it too late for it already?

Setting goals for the coming year (ok, the year is not 'coming' anymore...its already there) is always lot of fun. It makes me look forward to the new year and it makes it sound promising. It also imparts a feeling that I'm evolving as human being and not just aging. So here I'm, writing them down in black and white, for all to see and committing myself to them.

Financial

1. Have 20% down payment for our house by the end of the year. We're a little over 10% right now, so this seems doable, but I wanted to set right expectations this year, because of the state of economy.

2. Invest 10K in stocks to keep. This is BEB's demand. He is not happy with us keeping all our eggs in a single basket so he wants to build an investment portfolio.

Health and Fitness

1. Keep up the workout schedule from 2008.
I would like to elaborate a little here - I'm extremely proud of my achievements in this area last year. On Dec 18, 2007 we bought a new bike for me and begin to bike regularly. We kept at it until our India trip in May. While I was in India I couldn't exercise well and indulged in various Indian delicacies which resulted in my putting on about 4lbs. I wanted to lose this extra weight but biking wasn't helping much there. So we joined a gym and it has really helped me achieve some of my fitness goals. This year we want to be a little more aggressive towards this goal. I estimate that we went to gym about 70% of days last year. This year BEB wants to up the ante by taking off only for 50 days through the year. So thats what our first fitness goal is.

2. Keep up the good eating habits from 2008 but work on portion control: We worked to cut down our fat intake aggressively in 2007. It resulted in weight loss for BEB, and he really liked himself better that way. We tried to continue that in 2008 and soon got tired of the tasteless food. I didn't feel like cooking because even I myself didn't like the food cooked with so many omissions. So I reintroduced some oil and salt into my cooking and the results were wonderful. We ate more of healthy food and liked what we ate, indulged ourselves ocasionally and felt healthy overall. The additional fat was taken care of by the extra exercise we were getting at the gym. With all this experiment I feel that moderation is the way to go in order to eat healthy. Depriving ourselves from everything we liked didn't work too well in the long term.The only thing I see amiss from our eating habits is portion control. Both me and BEB are foodies and even though we have learnt to control the kind of food we eat, we still have to work on the amount we eat. We usually dine together, sharing anecdotes, talking about our respective workdays and life in general and usually keep eating till we are completely stuffed. I will try to be more vigilant about how much we eat.

3. Eat Slowly: One thing I keep reading about is that eating slowly helps in losing weight. What I feel however, is that besides losing weight, it also helps us in enjoying our food better and that I believe, is the key to being a good cook. I come from a family of fast eaters and due to the demands on my time, I have only nurtured this habit over time. Now I want to shift gears and try eating slowly and mind my food.

4. Increase the intake of proteins: Indian cuisine leans heavily towards whole grains and vegetables but lacks in proteins. This issue is especially problematic for vegetarians like us, who don't eat meats or eggs which are a n obviuos source of proteins for others. This year I'll try to make pulses, lentils, beans and soy a bigger part of our diet so that we can get proteins we need.

5. Better regime for Skin care and oral care : I have a very sensitive skin and thats why I need to be really vigilant about maintaining it. Caring more for it was my resolution last year but I couldn't really keep it that well. I'll try again this year. Also I'm good at brushing my teeth but not at flossing them, I will try to stay regular at that too.

Career Goals:

1. Aspire to become a better employee - continued from 2008. Last year I tried to get rid of my erratic work schedule and settle into routine working hours like everyone else and was successful to a big extent. This year I want to be proactive in my work and go an extra mile that what is expected of me.

2. Work on my dream career: I recently dabbled a bit in sewing and dressmaking and found that I still love it. I'll get some more books on sewing from library and try to sew more.

3. Be regular with my blog posting: Although this blog is more of a sounding board than a source of income, I would still want to keep blogging regulary. This is something I enjoy and after an year I find that I could write at least a few posts that had value for some other people so why not!

3. Learn Dutch Language: This is a hobby that I picked from my visit to Europe recently. My Sister-in-law initiated me into the language with a few words to enable us to get around in Holland. On our flight back I picked up a newspaper and a travle brochure in dutch and was immidiately hooked. There's something really exciting about trying to read a 5 word sentence and ...FAIL, after a long time. I want to be able to read and understand a dutch novel by the end of the year. Its not really a career goal but I figure it will be a good exercise for my brain and an added lanuguage is a skill anyway.

Social Goals

1. Keep in touch with friends and relatives in India: Make at least two non-regular phone calls to touch base with friends and relatives overseas. Populate my calendar with more birthdays.

2. Make friends with at least 2 new families: By get acquainted I mean, going to each other's place, taking trips together. Having a relationship where they can count on us and vice versa in times of need.

I know how corny the above goals sound, and selfish too. Let me explain - We have been in the US for two years now and till date, whenever we get stuck, we can think of only one family to turn to. I feel that thats not a very pretty situation to be at, especially when we are thousands of miles away from family and friends. It also leads to a lot of boredom, specially for husband when there's nobody around to spend time with except your spouse. Since we had fairly big social networks always, I don't think there's something inherently wrong with our behaviour. I think the only thing amiss is that since we're so used to social network built automatically that we never actively pursued it. It was fine in India, because we knew so many people through schools, work etc and wherever the wavelengths matched, it was the begining of a lasting friendship. It is different here, because we never studied here, worked with a limited number of people, and have no connections through our families. So here we have to actively pursue whatever little connections we make. Also a big issue earlier was my being very picky about friends, again this worked in India because I had a lot of people to choose from but I quickly realised that I was wrong in doing that. Nobody's perfect, so it will be foolish to expect that somebody will fit all your criteria, before we can make acquaintance. I now feel that a better way would be to just keep in touch, if there's a connection, friendship will evolve, if not, we can still keep in touch and stay on talking terms. So as corny as they sound, I'm still going to stick with these goals for this year and see where they take us.

Spiritual Goals:

1 Learn to let go:This is something I really need to work hard at and at multiple levels - I often try to juggle too many things at a time and get frustrated when some of them don't work out the way I want them. I will have to work to understand that its ok to not do that fabulous deal at Walgreens, its ok to pay the 25C penalty on a library book once. I'll try less to become the superwoman.

Besides this, I also have the memory of an elephant - while it comes in handy most of the times there are times when it is not such a good thing - I never forgive some one for hurting me, especially if that incident deals with my big ego. While I am still not sure giving somebody more chances to hurt me would be a good idea, it would be nice to be able to forget the incident and all the negativity attached to it and move on. I wish I could just let go of all the bitterness I feel towards the people who wronged me. I'll try to do that because even writing it in here makes me feel much less bitter. I hope I'll be so busy keeping up my other resolutions that I won't have time to feel negative about others. :)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

January Half Month pulse check: Getting my bearings back

After two months of extraordinary expenses and whirlwind activity ( buying gifts, packing, travel, sight-seeing, jet-lag) we are trying to settle back into routine life. Last weekend was a weekend at home after a long time and I did appreciate the time to catch my breath.
We celebrated the down-time by watching back to back bollywood flicks ( me), repairing the laptop (BEB) and having some heart-to-heart talks about our financial goals in 2009 ( more on that later).
Now on to our financial status for the first half of January: Things are again falling into place after a long time, so far our balancesheet shows all the regular amounts and some of the extra expenses from our trip to Europe, but since there weren't many big expenses during the trip, so far it looks good.
One small change has been in the newspaper bill, which they keep on increasing every 6 months, but I couldn't take it anymore. So I had called the Customer Service and showed my disapproval of their policy and canceled my subscription. I'll probably buy only Sunday newspaper to get coupons from now on.
All the other expenses look fairly balanced, but we got a big shocker in the form of our IT dues. We made a mistake in calculating our dues for the year, and now we have to cough up something to the tune of 10K before March. That would mean no savings for two more months. Oh! How I hate it when we have to live on zero savings, and this is going to be the fourth consecutive month, bravo!
On the brighter side, had we known about this we would have reconsidered our trip to Europe and that would mean missing out on so many beautiful experiences and memories. Good that we came to know about our goof up only when we came back. I hope to still squeeze in some small savings by cutting corners here and there. I'll keep you posted.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Lessons from spending 16 hours at the airport

Photo Courtsey: Creative Commons

This happened to us on our way back from Schiphol, Amsterdam to San Francisco. We had to take a connecting flight from Dulles, Washington to San Francisco and due to long immigration check and security check lines we missed our connecting flight. This was at 4:00 pm . Airline offered to put us on stand-by for the next flight, but after making us wait for two hours told us that they had no seat for us and we were put on stand-by for the next flight four hours later. Four hours later we were told that this flight was full as well, after speaking with customer service we found out that we couldn't get a seat until now because of our low priority status. She bumped up our priority status, but since the next flight was at 7:00 am, we had to spend the night at the airport. Due to the early flight, it didn't make sense for us to go to a hotel so we had to stay at the airport. It was a long night, but here're some of the lessons we learned:

Before your journey

If your port of entry is not your destination, keep substantial difference between your connecting flights. At least 2 hours, more if you're not a US citizen.

A blanket of your own in the carry on is a big blessing.

Charge, charge, charge - laptop, cellphone, shaver, ipod. Whatever is good enough to carry in your carry-on is definitely good enough to be carried fully charged. Especially cellphones - they're lifesavers in many situations, having it die on you while you're stuck could be a double whammy - and the worst part - you won't even have a security line to blame it on.

Cash is king - Have some change, and some high value bills in your pocket of whatever currency is used at the airports you will be traveling through. Not all countries honour credit cards - even at the airport.

Never ever make the mistake of flying without toiletries in your carry-on. The hassle of putting them in a ziploc and getting them checked separately during security is well worth it. Ladies, some basic make-up is good too. I'm not asking you to carry on a 2 sqft vanity case. But having a lipstick, eye-liner, foundation won't hurt.

If you have the space, pack some dry snacks that you're comfortable eating. It is not really essential because most of the airports have eating options. But the options available may not always match your tatse or preferences and moreover, it will be expensive. It will be good to have your food with you. However, that may not always be possible depending on what else you're carrying/where you're flying from.

A change of cloth is also a good thing to have. The comfortable, the better.

You probably know this but its worth repeating - put some unique, robust and easily identifiable tags on your luggage. Ours are fluroscent orange cloth ribbons with mine and husband's name embroidered on them and they are actually sewn through the luggage handle. When we went to claim our luggage at the destination, I was missing one piece. I just said out aloud - "My suitcase had this similar orange tag with my name" one of the airline agents remembered stowing the suitcase with that tag in the backroom and immediately brought it to us.

You have missed your connecting flight, now what

If you miss your connecting flight, don't just take the default stand-by status for the next flight. Asked to get confirmed, failing that, asked to be promoted to a higher priority. Negotiate, plead, tell them over and over again that you are a passenger from an international flight (If you are). Nowadays there are so many categories of special passengers that if you're on an ordinary passenger status, chances of your getting a seat are next to null, specially in a high season. Moreover, airlines do give special consideration to international pasengers who missed their connecting flights due to immigration checks and/or long security check lines, so a little pleading will go a long way. Try to remain polite though.

Take advantage of what your airline has to offer. If you want to go to a hotel for the night, ask if they have any discount coupons. Our airline offered us 50% discount for the hotel. I think others may do the same too.

Make sure that your luggage boards the plane with you. Although it is airlines' policy to not load the luggage until the passenger boards the plane - you can never be sure amid all the chaos that ensues with all that holiday rush. In fact, our luggage arrived the destination before us. So check and double check the whereabouts of your luggage. The next worst thing to spending night at airport is to arrive at the destination and not find your luggage.

Hang on to your luggage tags that airline issued after they checked in your baggage. They are the only proof you have that you had some luggage with you, and it is with the airline now.

So you're in for a night at the airport

Inform your relatives/friends about the situation you're in. If you've made any arrangements to get picked up at your destination airport those need to be changed as well.

If you have to spend the night on the airport, try to get comfortable. Find yourself a lounge thats dimly lit, a relatively quiet corner, a set of chairs on which you can lie down instead of sitting. Getting a little sleep would help you kill the time, as well as make you feel somewhat refreshed for the day ahead.

Depending on the availability of resources, try to do things as you would do routinely at your destination/home. Brush, Shave, have your breakfast, read a newspaper. Key here is not to focus too much on the lack of things/comforts you don't have but to be as ready as possible for the day with what you do have. If you have your razor and cream, shave and feel good about it, if not, see if you have a fresh pair of clothes and can change. While dwelling on the lack of this/that will frustrate you, using what you have will make you feel glad that you packed it, keep you occupied and let you be more prepared for your destination, when you do get there.

The restrooms are cleanest between 4:00 am - 5:00 am. Take advantage ;-)

If your phone is working - make all the calls that you'd wanted to make but never had time. Call those long-lost friends, or touch base with your clients. Now is a good time to address that pesky issue, for which you needed to call the customer service of some provider(only if you have all the details). Just be aware of the time-zone that callee would be in. You don't want your friend in Los Angeles ( whom you're calling after an year) to wake up at 3:00 am, just because you wanted to say hello while you're stuck at JFK, New York.

If you have a laptop - Now is a good time to compose all those emails that you never seem to get a chance to write. Some articles for your blog, goals are all good. You can even chalk out your budget if its something you'd always wanted to do.

If you only have your mind - Now is a good time to brainstorm on some puzzling issues. Since you're somewhat removed from your day to day life, you can think fairly objectively and may have your 'Eureka' moment. One word of caution though - try hard to steer clear of any negative thoughts, you're probably tired and likely frustrated with your airline, security process etc. If you start feeling like banging the help desk or throwing your backpack at the security agent, get up, take a walk, use restroom, haggle with shop associate over the price of candy. You don't really need more trouble than you're already in. Jokes apart, I really feel that although there are people who can use such times for creative thinking, for most of us mortals, it is not easy to put aside all the discomfort and frustration and get into a zen state. If you can, think about the good things in your life. If you still feel like negativity building up in your mind and find your self feeling bitter about something or the other, tell yourself that this is not a good time to think about this issue. A better idea would be to chat with fellow passengers, reading a magazine, doing something to keep your mind occupied.

This is based on our experience as a couple traveling back to US. I can't imagine the plight of passengers with young kids and travelers to other countries who find themselves in similar/more difficult situations. Do share your experiences/tips in comments. Enjoy your jouney.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

December Half Month Pulse Check: All set to break the bank

Photo courtsey: Mysza831

The bad news - We're spending a lot this month. In fact, at the time of writing this post, we have already spent the equivalent of our monthly budget.
The good news - The expenses were expected, planned for and didn't slow us down on our saving goals.

So yes, December has been an expensive month around here. The biggest expenses had been the gifts for friends and family and some of the preparations for the trip we're going to take during the Christmas break. It also helped that we had been planning this trip since September, so some of the costs were spread over the earlier months. It also helped us find the best deals for the gifts that our family members had asked for. Now that we have purchased the gifts and some other stuff for ourselves that we'll need while traveling, I hope that second half is not as expensive.

Other than the gifts, rest of the expenses have been fairly routine. In fact, in rest of the categories we actually spent lesser than usual.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Hydrate and protect skin the natural way

This is a recipe that my mom uses in winters to keep skin clean and hydrated. It also repairs the skin that has been exposed to the harshness of cold winds.

Ingredients:

Glycerin: 2 Tbsp
Rose water: 2 Tbsp
Lemon Juice: 2 Tbsp

Pour all these ingredients in a glass bottle and shake well. Keep this mixture with your skincare kit and apply a little whenever you've some time. It will feel a little sticky because of glycerin, so its best to use it when you're not expecting company, and have time to keep it on for half to one hour. In fact, I apply it right before sleeping so that I wake up with soft supple skin. Do apply it on your neck and arms as well.

Note: It okay to have a little tingling sensation in the beginning, it happens because those parts of your skin have been exposed to harsh weather and has been irritated already, the lemon juice in the mixture causes this tingling. If you continue to apply this mixture the skin will get repaired pretty soon and this irritation will go away.

If you try it, do let me know in comments how it went.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Weekend project : Dress for my niece

I love the small sewing projects, there's something gratifying about spending 2 hours with needles and fabric and scissors and getting a little something made by myself at the end.

This weekend, I carved out a few hours to make this dress for my niece. We'll see her this Christmas for the first time, so I thought I'll just get her something handmade along with all the store bought stuff.

I just had to share it with you all.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Improving skin complexion with saffron

Winters are harsh on skin and if you have a dry skin like me, the cold dry winds can wreak havoc on the skin. I usually apply some extra measures to take care of my skin during cold weather. I have seen visible changes in my complexion over the years I have used this recipe.

Ingredients:

Saffron: 3-4 leaves(petals)
Milk: 1 teaspoon
Sugar: A pinch
Olive oil or coconut oil: 2-3 drops
Water: 1 teaspoon
Plain bread: 1 slice

Method:

Pour water in a small vessel and add saffron leaves in it. Keep it overnight. By morning the water will turn yellowish, add milk and sugar to this water and then pour coconut oil drops in it. Now take a small piece of bread, dip it into this mixture and wipe your face with it. You might be left with bread crumbs on your face, Don't worry, just rub your face with your hands, they should be easy to get rid of. Try to not wash your face for 15 mins after applying this, then follow your usual cleansing and moisturizing routine.

Note: You can also do it in the night if that suits you better. Just know that you have to soak saffron for about 12 hours before you can use it.

Benefits:

Saffron is a time tested ingredient for improving complexion. The only catch is that it is considered to be a hot element, so using it in hot climates during summers results in small breakouts over facial skin. Its best to take advantage of this boon for skin during winters.

You can skip oil if you already have an oily skin and don't face any dryness problem in winters.

Ingredients Availability:

Except saffron, all other ingredients are usually present in your pantry. I found my pack of spanish saffron at Trader Joe for about $5. If you can't find it anywhere else, an Indian store will definitely carry some.

If you do try it and have some feedback on how you liked it, do let me know in the comments.

Friday, December 5, 2008

November Budget Report : Fallen off the bloggerwagon edition

This was one of those incidents where you just can't get around to doing what you would very much like to. I was under the weather for most of the thanksgiving weekend and so many things got piled up that I couldn't get to blogging even after getting better. Finally I got rid of this writer's block/over-activity and came up to share my budgeting results for the month of November.

Surprisingly, this month has been really good for budgeting. Despite spending money on several extra ( both needful and discretionary) items, we still managed to stay under our targeted budget and with the way things are going for last 3 months we have also decided to lower our targeted budget and to try to get there in 2009.

In November we also managed to hit two of our long term goals. Here are the highlights of the month which I can't wait to share with you.

1) Hit our target of saving 10% of down-payment for our home. Yaay!!!
Over to saving 20% now to avoid that no-good PMI.
2) Hit my targeted weight for the first time in 6 months. Although I couldn't stay there for long, I'm hoping that its a positive step towards attaining it in the long run.
3) Sewed two dresses for my niece and a reusable bag. It has been a long time since I last sewed anything and my last project was a disaster. This time I remained very careful with measurements etc and made sure that I go exactly by the book. I'm so looking forward to trying them on the baby. We will be meeting her on the Christmas.

As for the spending categories this month, we saved a lot in gas, thanks to gas prices. We also managed to stay well under budget in Groceries and Dining out, Personal grooming and auto maintenance. The only category where we went well above budget was the expenses on family. Although it showed up as an extra expense on our worksheet, we had actually known this expense and had accounted for it while planning the expenses for this month.

So in all, a good month for budget and the great thing is that it has made us keep high hopes for the coming year.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Best places to eat Indian Vegetarian Food in Bay Area

When we were relocating from India, food was at the top of my long list of concerns. Only after landing in the bay area did I discover how unfounded my fears were. Because of the high influx of immigrants, this area has a large number of thriving ethnic restaurants and there's no dearth of Indian restaurants either. Being a vegetarian, we needed a place which had a lot of vegetarian options. Soon enough we were able to locate many such restaurants nearby, now it has come to the point where in some of these places we don't even bother with the menu. We just order our favorites as soon as we are seated. If you happen to be in the bay area, you may want to visit one of these budget friendly eateries for a taste of India.

Chaat House
Some background here - Chaat in Hindi is usually a melange of various things with the final version being pleasantly spicy, sweet and tangy. There're various versions - often featuring one particular dish as the main item with a lot of garnishing and condiments often customised to suit the taste buds of the person eating it. It can have potato pattis, chick peas, sprouted beans, puffed rice as the main ingredient and these main ingredients are then mixed with a number of sweet, sour chutneys, yogurt, red chilli powder, green chillies, chopped onions etc. Often the quantity and variety of ingredients results in each cook have its signature dish when it comes to chaat.
The name Chaat House suggests that they are big on these Chaat varieties but actually they have a decent offering of Chaat as well as other usual Indian fare like Chapati, Daal, Curries etc. Since the owner is from North India ( State of Punjab), the menu leans heavily towards north Indian dishes. Ironically, Chaat is not very recommendable at Chaat House. I find it a little too raw ( contains more raw veggies, lacks usual condiments), but then we go there for a full meal and not snacks.
There are quite a few restaurants on El Camino Real with this name. We love the one on the intersection of N. Mary and El Camino Real. They are not great with the fancy stuff, but we can trust them to supply us with home like food on the super busy days. BEB loves their "Makki ki Roti, Sarson Ka Saag" ( Bread of corn flour with Entree of Mustard Leaves combo with a choice of Chai or Chaas for dink), While I order anything from Daal (Lentil soup) and Chapati ( Wheat flour Indian bread) to Rajma (curry of beans) and rice. For the first timers I recommend trying something from their combo meals. It would give you a meal with nicely matched side dish and entree and will be easy on your pocketbook too. We spend in the neighborhood of 25$ for a dinner for two here.

Udupi
Background - Udupi is a place in Southern India which is famous for its preparation of Idli. With time, the south Indian restaurants sprang up in the rest of India and were commonly referred to as Udupi restaurants. In India these are lean mean working machines, serving inexpensive south Indian dishes in a clean, hygenic and efficient environment. In India, these places are often frequented by employees of nearby establishments during their lunch hours.

Udupi Palace in Sunnyvale ( On El Camino Real near Wolfe) is a restaurant born from that tradition. It has all the usual fare offered by traditional Udupi restaurants like Idlis, Vadas and a variety of Dosas. Along with it they also offer all the regular North Indian options like Paav Bhaaji, Chhole Bhature etc. But if you do go to Udupi, I would recommend ordering traditional South Indian fare, its their area of expertise, its delicious, its healthy ( well, for the most part), so why not? If you are not watching calories, try their Rava Masala Dosa, its the best I've ever had. If I'm going to Udupi, I'm going to have Rava Masala Dosa. Period.
One thing thats free, and that you must try while at Udupi is their after dinner mouth freshener, they prepare it themselves from coconut and its amazing. I usually pickup a handful everytime I'm leaving. I would also recommend grabbing a Paan(Betelnut leaf with a garnishing of rose petal jam among other things) on your way out. It is not complementary though ($1.5 apiece), but it will be a nice way to finish your dinner.
On a typical visit we usually spend between $20-$25 for a dinner for two ( including tips and taxes).

Passage to India
I always thought of it as an Indian bakery until I actually went there to pick-up a cake. They have a cozy little dining room tucked in the corner of their shop and they do have a mouth-watering menu for lunch and dinner buffet. This is the place to be if Chaat is your piece de resistance - They serve really good chaats, and their tamarind chutney and coriander chutney is quite close to authentic. Although there are a bunch of other things in the buffet like burger, pizza, noodles, My recommendation would be to stick with Indian cuisine while you're there and you'll have plenty of them to try. If you're a vegetarian Indian like me you must be having a hard time finding eggless baked goods. If thats the case, you'll love Passage to India for their eggless pastries and cakes (although they are not part of the regular buffet).
The buffet here costs $10 in the evenings so we end up spending about $22 for the two of us here.

Rajjot
Low cost is the first word that comes to mind when I think of Rajjot. This is not a place to take your girlfriend on your first romantic date but if you're hungry and looking for cheap and good Indian food, Rajjot is the place to go. Their paranthas(kind of tortillas stuffed with different vegetables) are very good and I have also heard good things about their Puranpoli (again like tortillas but with a sweet stuffing of lentils). Like its peers it is also very conveniently located on El Camino Real and Wolfe. There are a lot of Indian families in the bay area which rely on Rajjot for their weekly supply of Chapatis (Indian meal staple). They make nice, big, well roasted Chapatis that will keep well for a week in the fridge. I'm not sure how much we spend on a typical visit but it has to be in the neighborhood of $15. Don't expect very good service here though, they even mix up the orders sometimes. So be sure to double check if you've ordered a takeout.

Milan Sweets
Located in Milpitas this is a vegetarian restaurant + sweets shop. The owners are from Gujarat. I think thats the reason that even the typically spicy dishes have a hint of sweet in them here. Its choice of sizzlers is hugely popular and after sampling two of them, I can see why. Those hot off the griddle dishes have found a striking balance between non-Indian foods like pasta, noodles and Indian delicacies like bhajia, kebabs and various sauces. The ultimate result is yummy. The small Kachories (Flour roundels filled with spicy lentil stuffing) is another thing that you must sample while you're there. People also love their Paneer Tikka ( Grilled Indian cheese with vegetables). While some of its snacks taste really good and are popular, it is more than what could be said of their curries and other dishes. We have ordered things like Thali (supposedly complete Indian meal, with Chapati, Dal, rice and curries) once and a few other dishes on other occasions and were disappointed with them. In my opinion, one should stick to the popular dishes while ordering at Milan. It a self service place, you have to place your order at the counter and pay up-front and they will call out your name when your order is ready. Our average bill runs up to $25 here.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Whole Foods - A bright spot among cookie cutter stores

Disclaimer: This is NOT a paid review

Yesterday I had to buy some hard to find oils and other things, so we took this trip to Whole Foods. We usually don't go to Whole Foods that much becuase it is quite far from where we live and when I had last visited them I found it to be on the expensive side.

I didn't know that I was in for many pleasant surprises when I stepped in Whole Foods yesterday. Near the entrance I saw this big savings ad, apparently they had put some coupon book in the store, using which I could save some money. Being a couponaholic, I decided to get the book first. I couldn't locate it in its usual place near the entrance, so I inquired a store associate, he looked at the stand and he couldn't find it either, so he checked with the management and was told that it was at the back of the store. He told me the same, and I thought that I'll just shop first and grab the coupon book before checkout. Imagine my surprise when another WHole Foods store associate approached me while I was shopping and inquired if I was the one looking for their coupon book. When I said yes, she handed me one of the coupon books and said that she had only 3 left. Have you ever heard of a store associate actually locating the customer and handing them the store coupon book. At least I haven't.

Being a fussy vegetarian, I often find myself looking for hard to find products, in order to avoid any meat content. During this trip I had been searching for cheese which didn't have renet in it.

There were two gentlemen at their cheese shop, I reluctantly asked one of them if he could help me locate a cheese which doesn't have an animal content in it. Yeah, I phrased the question wrongly, All cheese has is animal content - it is made of milk afterall. But he guessed what I actually wanted to ask. He showed me how to find out from the label whether the cheese had any meat content (Renet) in it. He also recommended some varieties of cheese that might go well in the recipes I planned to try. I often feel intimidated by store associates and usually drop the plan to buy things instead of approaching an associate, but Whole Foods folks were really friendly.

Once I got everything I wanted we went for checkout. I was preoccupied with something else so I forgot to offer my reusable bag while the cashier was ringing up my items. When she begun to put my stuff in their paper bags, the employee next to her told her "She has a bag!" and offered to put my items in my bag. Now that was a first. I have been to stores where employees are reluctant to put things in reusable bags because it takes a few more seconds of their time. I don't know whether I should blame them, but I now try to put my things in the bag myself, so they don't have to feel that my reuable bags are extra work for them. Anyhow, it made me really happy that somebody else also cares for this.

While we were heading out my husband commented that its rare to have three good experience in a single trip to any store. I couldn't agree more with him. From now on, I'm an official Whole Foods fan :). Is it any wonder they top the list of America's healthiest grocery stores (thanks to Like Merchant Ships for the link)

My Post is in Make it From Scratch Carnival #90

Make it From Scratch Carnival # 90 has gone live and my post on DIY Passport pictures has made it. Go here to check out other interesting projects.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Novemeber Half Month Pulse Check: So far so good

I'd been expecting some big expenses this November. We had to get our car serviced and its AC repaired. We had to make some big ticket purchases ( for our home as well as gifts). Since we held off making those purchases until Black Friday and BEB didn't get a chance to research a good mechanic for our car, we haven't incurred any extra expenses yet. But I know that they are on the horizon and we'll be getting those things immediately after Thanksgiving. So November has been ok so far but I am estimating that it will turn out to be expensive than other months finally. We'll see.
Other than finances, there are a couple of changes that I have made this month, which I'm hoping will bring some zest into our life.

Instead of gunning for exercising everyday, now I try to exercise 6 days a week. The rest day can be any one of the days when I'm really hassled or we have something extra to do, or when I just don't feel up to it. After doing it for 2 weeks now, I find that it is much better for my sanity and now that I've officially included in the plan, I don't feel guilty about it. Really, everyday is too big a commitment.
I'm also trying to actively increase my stamina while exercising, this would help me to burn the same amount of calories in 6 days as I used to do in 7 days.
To bring back a little fun in the food, I have decided to allow myself to go a little liberal with oil and butter. Not that I'll be serving fries everyday, but once a week we can have something with a little butter on it or the vegetables that I cook can be seasoned in a little more oil to cook them well. I found that it greatly enhanced the taste of food and both of us look forward to our meals again. It had become too drab earlier, when we had tried to drastically cut-back on oil and spices.
In the same vein, I have decided to let go of our regular food of chapati and vegetables on weekend and replace it with some fun food. Mostly it is whatever we feel like eating, although I consciously try to control the amount of fats that go into that. I am also actively looking for long forgotten recipes, or easy to try dishes to add more variety to weekend meals.

Really, a few simple changes can make life so much better. Here's to the healthful as well as tasty November.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Review: Lombok - Eastern Inspired Living

Disclaimer: This is a paid review. However, I have tried to review the site in as unbiased manner as possible.

Lombok is a UK based furniture and home furnishing company. They make high-end furniture and home accessories and sell it all over the world through their website lombok.co.uk.

Their website catalogs all their furniture home and decorative items in an attractive and organized fashion. I found that they have very unique offerings in decorative items like lighting, candles, decorative bowls etc. Although I found them a bit pricey but if you want to create a certain look for your home you might find yourself willing to spend the amount. Right now they are also offering 20% discount on selected items which makes them much more affordable.

The furnishing section is also intersting. Most of their cushions, throws and other furnishings are created with high end materials like silk, velvet and taffeta and are hand embroidered. This makes them attractive as well as expensive. I didn't quit like the fact that most of the furnishings are dry clean only but I do realize that we don't need to get furnishings cleaned as much as we do our clothes so that might not be such a big expense.

The furniture available on the website has more classic designs, with simple, yet stylish structures. The company claims to have built most of its furniture from reclaimed teak planks called "dinglik", imported from Indonesia. This makes the company and its products very eco-friendly because they are recycling wood, instead of cutting live trees to make their furniture. They also mention that this recycled wood is sturdier and less likely to be ruined by moisture. Currently the website is offering buy 2 get 1 free promotion for all of their furniture. Considering the fact that the furniture is genuine teak wood and the B2G1 free offer, the price seems to be about ok.

Bottomline:

The website will be a good resource for people who have a certain look in mind for their home furnishing and furniture and wouldn't mind spending a bit more to create that precise look. Since the raw materials used in the products are quality I would think the items would last. One good thing about the furniture and accessories are that they have a classic look about them so they won't go out of fashion soon. If you're outside Europe then you may have to consider the shipping costs too, which may be substantial. I tried doing a dummy purchase to find out how much shiping would cost me in US but the website says that I'll have to call to find out shipping charges.

Since we have bought most of our furniture used, I found the prices on the website to be a bit high for my tastes, although I caught myself drooling all over their silk cushions and the quilts.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A good problem to have!!!

Recently, I ran into this puzzling issue. BEB is big on drinking water. He drinks water before he sleeps, after getting up, Before tea, after tea, while heading out, as soon as he comes back...and every 10 minutes in between.

Wow! you would say...I wish I could have this habit! so do I. Drinking plenty of water is good for health and I'm also consciously trying to cultivate that habit myself. So often, while I'm franatically fixing dinner for us, I get this "Honey! could you get me a glass of water". Now getting that glass of water would mean, leaving whatever I'm doing, washing my hands, drying them, finding a glass, filling it and handing it over to dear husband. It looks like a small thing, but when I'm already in a hurry, it used to become an annoyance.

So I had a nice problem to have, but a problem nonetheless.

I would have continued with this state of affairs if I hadn't come across this deal. A pitcher and 4 glasses for $8 at Macys. Suddenly the pieces of the puzzle fell in place. Now every morning I fill the pitcher and keep it in the living room. Whenever I get a chance I refill it, while BEB drinks to his heart's content. Having a pitcher in the room even encourages me to drink more water. Isn't it an elegant solution to a nice problem!

Friday, November 7, 2008

An Idiot's Guide to DIY Passport Photos

When we got BEB's passport photos for his visa, I realized for the first time how steep the price of passport photos are in US. In India it was a no brainer - need a passport photo, go to a studio, get one clicked and for less than a dollar you will get 4-8 nice passport size photos of yourself.
But here, $16, No Kidding!!!

So this time, when I had to get my passport pictures, we decided to try doing it ourselves. I think it would be interesting to share with you my efforts and the results. If you do it the right way, you can get your passport photo for about a dollar.

The things you'll need:

1. A digital camera in which you can turn the flash on/off.
2. A computer with Windows, you should have permissions to download and install softwares on it.
3. A pen drive to take your edited pictures for printing. Other media will also do.

For my pictures we went to my office and used the white-board there as a background for clicking the pictures. Since the room was well lit, we clicked pictures with flash switched off.
Next we came home and downloaded the pictures from camera to our laptop.
To edit the pictures we looked at paint, picasa etc. but they didn't suit our purpose. So we downloaded gimp to edit the pictures.
After downloading and installing GIMP, we opened my pictures in it and selected the one we found most suitable to turn into my passport picture. Then we looked up the required dimensions for the passport picture. In our type of visa it was 3.5 cm X 4.5cm.
Now that we had everything ready, we wanted to get the picture in precise dimensions. The trick is to shrink the picture to the required size without changing its resolution. Lesser resolution will result in grainy pictures. This was probably the most difficult part of the whole project, because we didn't know what options were available and what the final effect will be, unfamiliarity with GIMP also contributed to spending more time than what was required. But you don't need to worry because I'm documenting the precise steps to follow in GIMP, to get perfectly sized passport pictures.

Step 1: Cropping the picture to select the right area to be printed.

If the picture that you have taken has more background than a passport picture would need you will be required to crop it. Cropping the picture is also required to get it into the required ratio. 3.5 : 4.5 in this case.
From the GIMP toolbar select Rectangle selection tool. Below the toolbox, there's an option "Fixed [aspect ratio]" put 3.5:4.5 here. Now use this tool to select the portion of the picture you want to use. When you're incrementing the cursor to fit the picture portion of your choice look at the bottom of the picture window. It will show you the pixel size of the frame, in my case it is 604X777. Note it down. Use Ctrl+X to cut the required picture.

Step 2: Saving the picture in proper ratio and resolution
Use File->New to open a new image file. Before opening Gimp will ask the size of the file. Use the number you noted down earlier (808X766). Ctrl+V to paste the image you'd cut earlier in step 1.

Step 3: Scaling down the picture, while keeping the resolution intact
Use Image -> Scale Image. In the dialog box first choose the metric as milimeter and then specify the picture's true size in mm. First specify width 35, hit Return key, the height should automatically be adjusted to 45, or else you haven't done the first 2 steps properly.
Now save this picture. Check Image -> properties, its resolution should be the same as original image. Lets call this Image1.

Step 4: Making a standard print size picture(4X6 inches) with the true size image
Open File->New. In the File size dialog box, Now select the unit in inches (width =6, height = 4 ). Now Ctrl-C on the true size image that you'd saved in step 3 (Image1) and paste (Ctrl-V) it in this new file, lets call it Image2. Once you have the image in Image2, drag it to the top left corner. Now again press Ctrl-V, and you will have another Image1 on top of first one, drag it and arrange close to the first one. Repeat this until the whole image is tiled with the pictures from Image1. Save it in jpg format. Gimp will ask you the permission to export it. Say yes!

Voila! you have a 4X6inches image with 8 passport pictures on it. Copy it into the pen drive and take it to your nearest print shop. Select the picture size as 4X6 and print out 8 nice passport pictures in half a dollar.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Random events of this October

We celebrated Karva Chauth. In this Indian festival married women fast through the day until moonrise. This fasting is for the longevity of their husbands. We also celebrated Diwali, although I doubt BEB enjoyed it a lot ( he's swamped with work in his office and finding it hard to take interest in anything thats not work)

We skipped the gym for 3 days in a row, and I almost burst into tears when I stepped on the weighing scale afterward. My sulking stopped when the weight returned to normal 2 days later. I have skipped gym for 2 days again...gosh! how I dread that scale :(

Me and BEB both were almost buried under work at our respective offices, we just somehow managed to get through the week...and I had a big presentation this week. It went fine and I got lots of appreciation *smug look*

I have learned to whip up meals almost out of thin air this past week. Even I'm surprised at how efficient I have become.

I had earlier talked about how we'd stopped coming home for tea from work. Ok, we couldn't keep up the resolve and its back to twice a day for us and I dont see it stopping anytime soon. To add insult to the injury, we have also begun to have our lunch at home :-/ Actually, it is working out quite nicely, we come home for lunch, and before we sit down for our meal I place tea on the stove on low flame. Tea is ready by the time we finish our lunch, and then we can have it before leaving for work again. Goodbye drowsy afternoons! Goodbye lunch box cleaning. My dish cleaning time is half now, I spend no time in packing lunches in the morning and I don't feel guilty leaving the office in the afternoon. It IS lunch time after all!

I think I have finally found my groove with coupons and mail-in-rebates and freebies. I have finally found a right system to manage all the pending mail-in-rebates and now have taken to carrying forward last months rebates to the next month. Its not perfect yet, but I am finding it much easy to manage all the chaos that occurs from having 100s of coupons, multiple stores to match them with and multiple months of sales. Now if only I could find a way to get my hand on the 'on sale' items before they fly off the shelves...

October gifted us with a big bouquet!!! Don't believe me? See for yourself.